I spent about five minutes just staring at this new topic box just trying to think of what to name this post. After five minutes I couldn't think of anything good, so I decided to go with something cheesy, corny, and ridiculously cliche, but ultimately true instead. I wish so much. I wish I could write better. I wish I could contribute more with my posts. I wish I had half a fucking clue what you guys were talking about during most of the political/religious/scientific threads on TRF. Most importantly, I wish I didn't have to write this post.

I know most of you are thinking "Oh, hes pulling a Gash." Trying to be just like the old bastard himself. Copying him once again. Just trying to fit in by being someone who already does. But Jesus Christ, I ask you as human beings to, for once, just shut the hell up and look at what I'm saying like I'm a real fucking person. Like you actually know me, like you understand where I'm coming from based sheerly on the fact that we're the same god damn species. Most of you have probably guessed where I'm going this, but for those who don't...

I'm leaving. And I hope to God its for good. Over the past couple of hours I've realized that for the past three years (THREE YEARS. Think of that like it was the most recent three years of your life, only I'm 14 and have experienced less than half of what most of you have) I have been devoting all of my time and energy to something that has brought me no fun or joy since the first year I started. Most people, including those here, write as a hobby. I write because its my life. People write to get their minds off of things. I write because I have nothing else to focus my mind on. Oh sure, I have friends, but I speak to them in school only. I do kickboxing and karate, but I fucking hate it. I've been out of the house for something other than those two things about two times in the last month.

It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that I had to do this long before I had begun to think about it. I mean, what the fuck else am I supposed to DO? THREE YEARS. I don't see myself devoting that much time to anything else ever again. After taking into consideration the advice of two trusted friends, one from my online relations and one from real life, I realized that it didn't really matter right now. I just had to let go of this before I had a chance to chicken out of it. Oh well, I'll decide what I'm gonna do when the time comes. One step at a time, as it is said.

I know that you guys are used to mocking and flaming each other, in the interests of fun and kicks and giggles and sometimes even in all seriousness, but please. Do this for me. I've been around since this board started, and I've been around at TGC for even longer. For respect of yourselves, if not for me, just leave this thread alone. If you have to say something, say something positive. Say something encouraging. At least ACT like you give a shit about one of the oldest people here just giving all of this up after years of commitment to it. I don't want to hear "Good riddance." or "He'll be back." or "I don't care, I never really liked him." And for Christ's sake, I don't want to hear one single MENTIONING of a certain Matthew Good avatar, or anything else to do with Gash. This thread is for me. ME. I'm a fucking human being, and as much as you'd all like to think I'm a god damn carbon copy of Gash Jiren, I have my own god damn life and I'd appreciate it if you respected the fact that a major part of it is about to end.

I'm not going to pretend I'm leaving TRF and never even stopping by to look at the place again. I'll probably pop in every once in a while. Who knows, maybe it'll become an every-other-day thing for for me, but I won't...I can't...be checking the Battlegrounds or the OOC Forum or anything even remotely related to RPing again, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't IM or e-mail me something that has anything to do with it. Chances are, you'll get me hooked again, and the depressing life will begin again.

Finally, to anyone I might have had any IC relations with, which is few to none. Ahnk, I'm really sorry that I never continued with my Cree'Ar character or even tried to help out the group after I abandoned it and left if for dead. I know that you'd sooner accept DS6 as an equal to Omnae in terms of writing ability than you would believe that, but I'm serious. It wasn't my intent to fuck you over. Brutus, yeah yeah, I must have told you I was gonna join the Union at least five times, and I must have told you I wasn't five more, but I'm really sorry I never got a chance to keep my word, and I'm also really sorry I missed out on any potential enjoyable times we might have had had I done so. I wish you and your group the best. Lupercus, you old bastard. If you ever get around to reading this, I'm sorry I never completed my Helix thread, even if you weren't around at all during the time I had left it sitting on the shelf. But hey, I got you two planets. I hope that might make up for it somehow. And to any and all I forgot, I'm sorry. I really, truly, honestly, am.

This is goodbye. I know most of you won't believe it, and some of you will even laugh at it, but I was in terars throughout most of the time I spent writing this. God damnit, I'm really gonna miss you guys. You weren't just online entities I spent time with in between posts. You were people. You were friends. And I'll never forget you. I hope you'll never forget me.

With regret,
Mike

P.S. Looking upon this post after reading it to its full extent, I've realized there is so much more I wanted to add. So much more left unsaid. So much more shit that none of you care about and ultimately add up to how pathetic I really am. All I can say in its place is, one last time, I'm sorry.

Zark, the time we've spent together in the roleplaying communities has been fun. We've had a lot of good times, and weathered the rest. I will not forget how you have stood by my side in the past.

I hope to see you on the discussion boards sometime. Don't be sorry over this departure; you have to do what's best for you. And remember, as a roleplayer, and as a person, you will not be forgotten. Not by me.

Good luck to you on all of your life ventures.

-Supernova

I wish you luck in your writing, Mike :) I know what it's like to view the words you put down as more than just some random things...

I am sad to see you go. Besides you, there are few others left who can relate to the very beginnings of this community as you and I do, not even Ahnk or Gash.


Three years is indeed a long time, but during that time you accomplished so much. I had the priviliedge of being around to watch you change and grow, both as a writer and as an individual. We never really were that close as I remember, usually just aquaintences on the same side of an RP as Jedi. But nonetheless, I hope that in the future you continue to grow and do well in uh... whatever you are going to use to occupy your free time with now. My best bet is Halo 2...


peace out, d00d

Noooo :(

Two of my three favorite people from TRF have left, now. I can't take much more of this...

For one horrible moment there, I thought you were about to start rapping along to 'Skee-lo', heh.

Seriously, though, Zark if you feel this is the right thing for you to do, then go for it!
Theres a big world out there, and by the sounds of it, you've been missing out.

I had no idea you felt that strongly about TRF and all of us here, and your post has me taken-aback.
Its funny, I vaguely remember starting more or less around the same time as you back at TGC, though I think you beat me to it, especially seeing as it took me ages to actually start a role-play, (nothing new there then, heh).

Although I haven't read everything you've written, the Rp's I have done, I have enjoyed, and I would say, don't be so hard on yourself as far as writing goes. I mean if your Rp's made it to showcase, you must have been doing something right. ;)

Whats also funny is that I don't think, (unless its been indirect) I've ever rp'ed with you, a shame I think, but I've always enjoyed our banter OOC.
I hope you've always seen it as friendly, because thats always how its been meant, heh.

You're to all intents and purposes, a founder member of TRF, and as such, you won't be forgotton, be sure of that, I'm sure most of us here will think of you fondly. You've earned my respect at least.


Take care of yourself, and go out!, make some friends!, go chat some girls up! Relax and enjoy yourself!

Don't be a stranger, and TRF aside, you'll always be welcome at VC.

;) :D


Mister V.

(Sean)

Good by, Zark. I did not know you quite so much as I would have liked, I think, but you seemed a very good board member in my opinion, and your loss is indeed a blow to the community.

I'm sure we'll all still be here if you ever feel like visiting again.

And don't say you're pathetic, or its' sad, because you're not, and such things are completely subjective anyways. I hope you feel better about all this in the near future.

I liked Zark.

I cannot believe he just left. He was definately a good character to have around.

I had no idea that anything of the sort was going on with him. I am shocked.

Not to long ago, I started reading things by Zark. They were quite good.

I will miss you, Zark.

(THREE YEARS. Think of that like it was the most recent three years of your life, only I'm 14 and have experienced less than half of what most of you have)

Dang, I certainly didn't know you were that young. I was thinking eighteen or twenty most of the time. You, like Dolash, certainly don't appear young.

I'm sorry to see you go. I really enjoyed Fallen Tears and Bullet Shells, it ranks up there in the top ten RP's I've ever read. Dissing your writing is normal, and healthy; just don't diss it too much.

On the topic of TRF being an immature cesspool of hate and angst, you're right. It sucks the will to write, it even sucks the will to visit. For the last two and a half years I've logged in here at least daily. About five times I've told myself that I couldn't do it anymore, and that I needed to quit. Each time I quit, I threw myself into my writing, and each time the writing brought me back.

TRF desperately needs an attitude readjustment, that much is apparent to just about everyone. Speaking generally, if you think TRF is just fine the way it is, chances are good you're part of the problem...

I think your assessment of your situation is accurate, Zark. Three years is a lot, especially when you're as young as you are. There's a lot out there to do, places to go, and people to see.

You may have occupied yourself with writing because that was all you had to do, but remember, you are good at it. FTABS is a great story, and I'd say that if SW material wasn't copyrighted, it would be highly publishable. Actually, zip me a postal address, and I'll mail you a few magazines dedicated solely to publishing short SF and F fiction.

Good luck with your future endeavors, and don't be a stranger.

- Titus

Didn't know you were such a youngin.

Welcome to the club, though. I haven't posted an RP or spent more than 5 minutes in the Battlegrounds or OOC forums at a time in probably over a year. I know where you are coming from.

We'll be seein you around now and then, I hope.

Good luck.