The views shared therein are the views of the individual only and do not represent those of the network or it's affiliates.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. I am the most fucking brilliant person in the galaxy, Amonhe. Why don't I make more money? The network got me drunk before I signed and so now I have to live in a shithole with my mother. Whatever. It's life. But, again I welcome you to another edition of Straight Talk, where we come down to the meat of the real issues of cause and effect. We live in a shitty world. Why? Because shitty things happen!
You don't need to be a fucking Simon Kaine, Theren Gevel or Bhindi Drayson to figure that one out.
People would have you believe that everything in this galaxy is working overtime etching out some grand fucking destiny in the plate glass table of fucking life. Well you know what? There is no such thing as Grandmother Spacewarp! There is no such thing as the Great Bird of the Galaxy! And there is no such thing as fucking destiny!
We are just a bunch of Bitz Bugs shitting on the glass obscuring views on life.
Well I am here to wipe away that shit! It's a shitty job but someone's got to do it!
First on the list? Grand Fucking Marshall Simon Kaine! I mean, who the fuck do you think you are? Other commanders have their warships refitted but we have to make yours into some fucking ceremony. I mean, shit! The budget costs alone for the damn refit of Galactus is bankrupting several systems! And the damn ship isn't as big as the Ebony! And we all know what a fuck-job the government pulled on us with that one, don't we?
Sure, we've defeated our enemies. Sure we are safer now than ever before! Sure our economy is the best in the galaxy and sure our military is the largest. But is that any reason for you and Hyfe to go around torting yourself as the fucking emperor's of the galaxy? Shit, you remind me of some fucking decandent Republican politician!
Oh..oh.. just look at the mini net just lighting up!
Hello, fucker, you're on the air."
"Yes.. Hello? I just wanted to say that you suck! I'll have you know that the Republic was the pinnacle of society and if it hadn't been for the darkside.."
"Oh shit! Another one of those fucking alien Jedi lovers! Tell me, shit for brains, if the Republic was such a fucking pinnacle, why did it have a civil war?"
"What? The EMPIRE had the civil war! darksiders had taken over.."
"Oh spare me the Jedi propaganda. And I am not talking about THAT war. I am talking about the Repubic Civil War!"
"But.. but there was no.."
"That's because the fucking hypocritical politicians didn't want to call it a 'Civil War'. Oh no! How could their fucking 'pinnacle' of society ever be wrong? How could anyone be dissatisfied?! So they renamed it the fucking Clone Wars! Clean the shit of Jedi propaganda off your plate so you can see that you really don't have the balls to ask the really hard questions! Hello, next caller?"
"You are absolutely right!"
"Damn straight and fucking 'A!"
"And they should have called it 'fucking clone wars' because that's all those clones liked to do! My grandfather was a navigator on a marine transport and when those clones dripping with beastial lusts surrounded him, they..."
"What the fuck?! Do you know how fucking hard it is to take off combat armor on a moving transport? Your grandfather was probably masturbating to Huttese porn and got caught by Commandos!"
"Now wait just a frackin...!"
"Get off the air and contribute to society by shooting yourself! I mean, shit! Can you believe in this day and age in the midst of our Empire's greatness, we are still hampered by idiots?
Next caller?"
"Now see here. I resent your insinuations that the Clone Wars was anything like the Civil War.."
"Well, I don't give a shit what you resent, mister! The fact is the Clone Wars name is misleading. It's as if we are blaming the fucking clones for starting the war! Guess what? They weren't even grown when this wonderful republic started going to hell!
And get this! The first order for clone soldiers was placed by a Jedi! A fucking Jedi! Why not call it the Jedi War!
Oh no.. can't drag the fucking Jedi through the mud, oh no! They'd rather blame some fucking 'darkside' for their own ineptitude. I mean really, if they were all fucking masters of the force then why did a 'darksider' end up running the Republic as Chancellor?
Perhaps because he wasn't a fucking darksider! Really, I think this whole lightside/darkside business is crap! Just an excuse to make up for Jedi failures!
If the Republic was so fucking Nirvana, why did a thousand star systems try to break away? Why was there Separatists in the first place? So the Republic wins and calls them evil!? But when they still don't solve the problem and one man attempts to make things right by giving us a more ordered system of government, the old Republic fuckers rebel just like the Separatists and when they murder our Emperor, they call themselves fucking righteous and the Empire evil?
Fuck that!
It's the same fucking thing! History is written by the winners!
The Jedi think themselves the heros of the galaxy by killing Clone stormtroopers but they don't realize that the Jedi are the reason the Clones existed! The Jedi ordered them and then turned against them!
Was it the damn clone's fault things didn't turn out to suite the Jedi? Fuck, they were engineered but no...
Shit! I am surprised the clones just didn't go out and kill every fucking Jedi they could find for the bad rep!
Hello, new caller?"
"Bastard! The Jedi are the guardians and peace and justice thorought the galaxy!"
"Damn shame there hasn't been any peace and justice thorought our galaxy eh? How many wars were fought when the Jedi ran things? Yeah, two major conflicts supported by Jedi and don't get me started on the wars since then!
Hello, new caller?"
"What about the Sith War? What about Revan and M.. M.."
"Malak? What about it? History is written by the winners and who won? If there are any Sith around, they are in hiding.. sure to be skewered to death by Padawan lightsabers if they show themselves in public!
I mean shit! If the Empire did not have freedom of religion within it's borders, there'd be no place left for these damn Sith!
I mean, what the fuck? It's gotten to a point where a person of the Sith religion cannot walk down a street without being confronted by some saber-happy Padawan fighting for some fucked up sense of truth and justice.
These fucking teenagers go to the damn Jedi Temples to deal with the bad things that happen to them in their life and what do the Jedi do? I'm serious! What do the Jedi do with these messed up, fucked up, crazy ass kids? They give them a lightsaber and tell them to hunt Sith?
I mean shit!
If they really cared about these kids, they should do what?
Get them some fucking counselling!
Mark my words people! The Jedi represent a clear and present danger to the galaxy at large! Any government that gives them an inch of power within it's hallowed walls runs the risk of plunging us all into a devestating war!
Heed the lessons of the Republican Civil War!
Heed the lessons of the Imperial Civil War!
Don't give these fucking people lightsabers and don't let them near your children!
Especially, if they have a high midichlorian count!
Heh..
But that is for another time, damn baby stealers!
Now what the fuck about mandatory health evaluations? I mean shit! What the fuck are those naysayers complaining about?
It's fucking free healthcare and about time the government did something directly to benefit us!
But no... 'it's a fucking invasion of privacy'!
You know what? Grow the fuck up and get your innoculations!
How many times has Coruscant been hit by biological weapons?
I'll tell you!
Too many fucking times!
I'll be damned if I want to catch 'wrath' because you fucking didn't take your kids to the doctor's office!
Register and go, shitheads!
Now I gotta go off the air to get a drink. We've gotta run this damned emergency broadcast test shit to make sure we can save all your sorry asses in case the fucking Jedi attack! When I come back, hopefully I won't be sober. Piss off!"
Straight Talk, a program by Advent Communications an affliate of the Imperial News Services.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. I am the most fucking brilliant person in the galaxy, Amonhe. Why don't I make more money? The network got me drunk before I signed and so now I have to live in a shithole with my mother. Whatever. It's life. But, again I welcome you to another edition of Straight Talk, where we come down to the meat of the real issues of cause and effect. We live in a shitty world. Why? Because shitty things happen!
You don't need to be a fucking Simon Kaine, Theren Gevel or Bhindi Drayson to figure that one out.
People would have you believe that everything in this galaxy is working overtime etching out some grand fucking destiny in the plate glass table of fucking life. Well you know what? There is no such thing as Grandmother Spacewarp! There is no such thing as the Great Bird of the Galaxy! And there is no such thing as fucking destiny!
We are just a bunch of Bitz Bugs shitting on the glass obscuring views on life.
Well I am here to wipe away that shit! It's a shitty job but someone's got to do it!
First on the list? Grand Fucking Marshall Simon Kaine! I mean, who the fuck do you think you are? Other commanders have their warships refitted but we have to make yours into some fucking ceremony. I mean, shit! The budget costs alone for the damn refit of Galactus is bankrupting several systems! And the damn ship isn't as big as the Ebony! And we all know what a fuck-job the government pulled on us with that one, don't we?
Sure, we've defeated our enemies. Sure we are safer now than ever before! Sure our economy is the best in the galaxy and sure our military is the largest. But is that any reason for you and Hyfe to go around torting yourself as the fucking emperor's of the galaxy? Shit, you remind me of some fucking decandent Republican politician!
Oh..oh.. just look at the mini net just lighting up!
Hello, fucker, you're on the air."
"Yes.. Hello? I just wanted to say that you suck! I'll have you know that the Republic was the pinnacle of society and if it hadn't been for the darkside.."
"Oh shit! Another one of those fucking alien Jedi lovers! Tell me, shit for brains, if the Republic was such a fucking pinnacle, why did it have a civil war?"
"What? The EMPIRE had the civil war! darksiders had taken over.."
"Oh spare me the Jedi propaganda. And I am not talking about THAT war. I am talking about the Repubic Civil War!"
"But.. but there was no.."
"That's because the fucking hypocritical politicians didn't want to call it a 'Civil War'. Oh no! How could their fucking 'pinnacle' of society ever be wrong? How could anyone be dissatisfied?! So they renamed it the fucking Clone Wars! Clean the shit of Jedi propaganda off your plate so you can see that you really don't have the balls to ask the really hard questions! Hello, next caller?"
"You are absolutely right!"
"Damn straight and fucking 'A!"
"And they should have called it 'fucking clone wars' because that's all those clones liked to do! My grandfather was a navigator on a marine transport and when those clones dripping with beastial lusts surrounded him, they..."
"What the fuck?! Do you know how fucking hard it is to take off combat armor on a moving transport? Your grandfather was probably masturbating to Huttese porn and got caught by Commandos!"
"Now wait just a frackin...!"
"Get off the air and contribute to society by shooting yourself! I mean, shit! Can you believe in this day and age in the midst of our Empire's greatness, we are still hampered by idiots?
Next caller?"
"Now see here. I resent your insinuations that the Clone Wars was anything like the Civil War.."
"Well, I don't give a shit what you resent, mister! The fact is the Clone Wars name is misleading. It's as if we are blaming the fucking clones for starting the war! Guess what? They weren't even grown when this wonderful republic started going to hell!
And get this! The first order for clone soldiers was placed by a Jedi! A fucking Jedi! Why not call it the Jedi War!
Oh no.. can't drag the fucking Jedi through the mud, oh no! They'd rather blame some fucking 'darkside' for their own ineptitude. I mean really, if they were all fucking masters of the force then why did a 'darksider' end up running the Republic as Chancellor?
Perhaps because he wasn't a fucking darksider! Really, I think this whole lightside/darkside business is crap! Just an excuse to make up for Jedi failures!
If the Republic was so fucking Nirvana, why did a thousand star systems try to break away? Why was there Separatists in the first place? So the Republic wins and calls them evil!? But when they still don't solve the problem and one man attempts to make things right by giving us a more ordered system of government, the old Republic fuckers rebel just like the Separatists and when they murder our Emperor, they call themselves fucking righteous and the Empire evil?
Fuck that!
It's the same fucking thing! History is written by the winners!
The Jedi think themselves the heros of the galaxy by killing Clone stormtroopers but they don't realize that the Jedi are the reason the Clones existed! The Jedi ordered them and then turned against them!
Was it the damn clone's fault things didn't turn out to suite the Jedi? Fuck, they were engineered but no...
Shit! I am surprised the clones just didn't go out and kill every fucking Jedi they could find for the bad rep!
Hello, new caller?"
"Bastard! The Jedi are the guardians and peace and justice thorought the galaxy!"
"Damn shame there hasn't been any peace and justice thorought our galaxy eh? How many wars were fought when the Jedi ran things? Yeah, two major conflicts supported by Jedi and don't get me started on the wars since then!
Hello, new caller?"
"What about the Sith War? What about Revan and M.. M.."
"Malak? What about it? History is written by the winners and who won? If there are any Sith around, they are in hiding.. sure to be skewered to death by Padawan lightsabers if they show themselves in public!
I mean shit! If the Empire did not have freedom of religion within it's borders, there'd be no place left for these damn Sith!
I mean, what the fuck? It's gotten to a point where a person of the Sith religion cannot walk down a street without being confronted by some saber-happy Padawan fighting for some fucked up sense of truth and justice.
These fucking teenagers go to the damn Jedi Temples to deal with the bad things that happen to them in their life and what do the Jedi do? I'm serious! What do the Jedi do with these messed up, fucked up, crazy ass kids? They give them a lightsaber and tell them to hunt Sith?
I mean shit!
If they really cared about these kids, they should do what?
Get them some fucking counselling!
Mark my words people! The Jedi represent a clear and present danger to the galaxy at large! Any government that gives them an inch of power within it's hallowed walls runs the risk of plunging us all into a devestating war!
Heed the lessons of the Republican Civil War!
Heed the lessons of the Imperial Civil War!
Don't give these fucking people lightsabers and don't let them near your children!
Especially, if they have a high midichlorian count!
Heh..
But that is for another time, damn baby stealers!
Now what the fuck about mandatory health evaluations? I mean shit! What the fuck are those naysayers complaining about?
It's fucking free healthcare and about time the government did something directly to benefit us!
But no... 'it's a fucking invasion of privacy'!
You know what? Grow the fuck up and get your innoculations!
How many times has Coruscant been hit by biological weapons?
I'll tell you!
Too many fucking times!
I'll be damned if I want to catch 'wrath' because you fucking didn't take your kids to the doctor's office!
Register and go, shitheads!
Now I gotta go off the air to get a drink. We've gotta run this damned emergency broadcast test shit to make sure we can save all your sorry asses in case the fucking Jedi attack! When I come back, hopefully I won't be sober. Piss off!"
Straight Talk, a program by Advent Communications an affliate of the Imperial News Services.
